How I made myself care about March Madness #sportball

First I bet on Duke to upset (presumably) Kentucky, because hey why not, Duke is good at basketsport, right? If this happens, we score a buck-fitty. Then I drop $5 on Ohio State, because O-H – if they somehow manage to win, collect $500 in easy money #GOBUCKS – finally, in the first games I take all the heavy favorites in a big parlay, drop a fiver on it and that’s another shot at $500 – boom, all the sudden I care a little about college basketball. YAY #sportball

Alabama versus Ohio: FIGHT!

On the occasion of the Ohio State Buckeyes set to battle the Alabama Crimson Tide in sportball – and also as a part of my ongoing effort to mock and discredit Southern hillfolk – I thought it would be fun to cherry-pick compare some statistics between the two states. As a longtime resident of Ohio, I understand that most people outside of it consider Ohio chock-full of hillbilly yokels, but in Ohio it feels like there are many, many more ‘Merican Hillfolk in other places, all around and often nearby, with their hillpeople values and their guns and Jesus to cling to while they complain about how Obama didn’t do anything about Katrina or whatnot. So, let’s contrast these two fine U.S. states:

Category	Ohio	Alabama
Safety	22nd	43rd
Violent Crime	25th	38th
Poverty Level	15%	18%
High School Graduation Rate	88%	82%
GDP (millions)	526,196	180,727

So whatever, take those 7 and a half points and be all “ROLL TIDE” #winning #scoreboard might beat you in football too (or at least get within 7.5)  O-H-! …